Oh my, what a day it has been. I was so relieved when I learnt that science is going to stay the same as well,except we'll have a new teacher. Or I'll soon have an even newer one. The problem is - as I forgot to mention - for my GCSE science grade I got a D (Yr.10) and now Clara (our new master of physics) wants me to join a BTEC group,aka. she wants me to move down a class. Thankfully its optional,so I guess I don't have to unless I want to, although she did seem pretty determined about it. Oh God,I don't want to take BTEC course, I know I should've done better on that exam,but please, I'm not that dumb. I don't want to degrade myself to spend Year 11 doing biology. It would be easier, I know,but still... the class I've been put into looks alright. There's only one (ok,two) member of the lot who I'd be glad to see replaced. Interesting she was on the list too. If there's any reason for this complication I hope it's her one-way-ticket to another SC group far,far away from me. I did ask her about it, and I have to admit she was quite nice - that one time. So anyway, I wrote an e-mail to my home tutor,see what she thinks. Mmm...other than this everything else was fine. Oh,yes! There's something...not just something,someone I wanted to tell you about.

Are you familiar with the feeling when a certain person, who you've always ignored, becomes also the person you can't take your mind off. Not necessarily in a pleasant way. He just has this whole different atmosphere around him, whenever he walks into the room,looks towards your direction or even chews his nails. You're unsure,because you don't want to notice these little details,but you do,and god,you just can't help it. I can't help it. He's the kind of soul you want behind your back,following your steps,getting closer with each and every move, despite the fact that he doesn't seems to have a warm personality. It's the opposite. Pray,would you blame yourself for wanting to get to know the boy behind the mask? Especially, when meeting his eyes again is the first and last thing you want at the same time.                                                               

Well that was poetic. Long story short; there's this kid,who's starting to creep me out with his constant "staring" but to be honest,lately I thought he was kinda cute, and tried to requite his small little considerations,like letting him in front of me (although I was the last person in the line), giving him a chance to open up by chatting...okay, I sort of asked him to throw away my crumpled papers on his way to the bin, or like today, when I asked him to let me one of his felt tip pens he brought with himself,but no, since his moronic buddy asked first he automatically rejected my request,although then he realised that the little cretin already had one,so we can say that he 'kindly' gave it to me. Still I can't keep track on the occasions when I felt his stare on my face. Does that really mean anything, or am I just imagining something I sort of want? Am I paranoid? Or is it just one more reason why I want to stay in the same science class...

Summer's over. Holidays too. First day back at school. Disaster. Alright,truth to be told it could've been a lot worse and eventually it really wasn't that bad. Except when today in our first english lesson of Yr.11 I made a total idiot out of myself - in front of the whole class&the teacher,who actually seems quite nice. Anyway I won't have another lesson 'till next tuesday,so I do hope everyone would just forget all about it. Of course it's not that simple. Oh lord...Why can't I just be normal and 'cool' like everyone else? Mum's says everything happens for a reason,but please, can someone tell me what's the reason behind being so socially awkward? Moving on - I'll have to wear uniform this year, and I can't believe it,but I actually don't mind it at all. It's so easy, you just put them on in the morning,do your hair + makeup and - taa-daa! - all ready to go. That's not the only thing that's been simple today (considering how freaked out I was) - our tutor stayed the same, maths stayed the same, everyone else stayed the same. The only thing I'm still worried about though is our first session tomorrow which is science and I have no idea who the teacher is and who's going to be in my class. Please,please,please don't let anything inconvenient to happen. Pfuu, all this worrying makes me tired. Let's see, what else happened? Oh yes, you'll never believe but Cassie and,um,Nala (jesus,it sounds ridiculous,but I can't afford to reveal their real name) so they both said 'hi' to me and Nala also said that 'I was beautiful.' Wow, didn't see that coming. Is it really all it takes? A pretty face, and a 'good hair day' and voila, suddenly everyone thinks you're worth saying hello to. Ugh, Im sorry, that just sounds so vain. Not like I can boast of owning either,but it still felt good to be noticed even for just two seconds. Something else, tomorrow I'll have a lesson with both girls, and if I wished on wishing stars, I asked for them to...just to be nice to me again. That or being noticed by that very special person who's not so speacial anymore. Even though our eyes met for a moment this morning (I don't know why,but I quickly looked away.) So all in all my first day wasn't so bad, I just wish being put on the spot wouldn't mean my head spin,my palms sweat and my voice crack. I'm so shy it's unbelievable. Altough the new english teacher gave an entirely different twist to the word as she said it. Like it was cute. Like I was being cute. Only it's not cute at all. It's terrifying. 

"I can feel the darkness coming
And I'm afraid of myself
Call my name and I'll come running
'Cause I just need some help."

Well, hello,stranger! I haven't written for a while that's for sure. I don't even know where to begin... Today we got back from Hungary and if anyone would ask me how my vacation went over there I wouldn't be so confident to answer. I must say there was one afternoon where I was having fun. I met up with Vivien, my bestfriend from kindergarden + primary school, and I am happy to say that she hasn't changed at all. We spent an amazing day with wandering around the city,shopping,ice creams,kfc,taking pictures and stuff,but most of all - for the first time - I had someone to talk to. You know, just like when I was 8 - and like when I used to share everything with her, it was exactly the same, apart from the fact that we both got more mature. Yeah, and I miss her already and wish we could've spent more time together. The other seven days? Well, it sucked. I don't wanna sound like a spoiled lil' biatch, who's allergic to old people and thinks not spending any time with the family is 'cool', but honestly?  I can't stand them. I'm not being whiny,but it's really hard to tolerate them - even for a week which is sad. I was feeling like a bin of emotions, taking in the same trash over and over again. I listened to all their problems more than once, and none of them was bothered to ask me anything about my school,my 'new environment'...nothing. Simply because they didn't care. They have their own issues, I know, but still... Clearly ageing makes people only worse. If I'm honest I won't mind another two years without a visit. Arghh... and just when I thought it can't get any better, my dad made up his mind; he wants to go to Spain (by car!!!) so that he can start his new stupid business which,by the way, doesn't have any use. The only thing he should do is to try to learn this damn language. But,no,no he has to go to the other side of Europe to get into another idiotic idea. And me? Who cares what I want... But the only thing I really need is rest, and to sort out my school stuff so that I can be ready for September to start year 11. The most important year for every student in the UK. The one and only year where I should really do nothing else,but study for my future. I know I'll try my best and not even my dad,my annoying class mates, or anyone can hold me back from doing that... never! Well, I guess that's all for now. Thank you so much for listening. Believe me,sometimes that's what most people really need.

First of all, I'm sorry for not writing anything nearly for a week. Let's just say I've been busy. I almost finished all my exams, I went to the dentist (no braces till' sept-october) and... yeah, Friday was the only day when I didn't have to worry about anything. Even then I was so sick of people, actually lately I've been sick of a lot of people if that makes any sense... The way they treat me, or speak to me, or even look at me. Only because I don't hang around with girls who crave attention, I don't put on a good dose of makeup, and okey, my social skills definetly need some improving,but apart from that I'm not less than they are,right? I'm just tired of not being good enough, I guess. On the other hand I have to admit, Friday afternoon session was alright, guess because of who? Haha! To be honest, I don't even know why,but he sat behind me (maybe he got moved yesterday when I wasn't in)  anyway, basically I spent the entire lesson listening to his sillyness. Ohmy, he rubbed my arm again,just after when someone behind me made a comment on how nice my hair looks when its up. Then, the teacher - when she really got butters - said that we act like animals and for he says; "I'd like to be an animal." Umm... You already are one, hon. Well, - altough he obviously found my remark funny - made a statement how actually I'm an animal, and that he met up with my family in the zoo. Bless his little creative imagination. But the thing is he's like this with everyone. Every singe girl in the class. Not just me, and since I realised that it doesn't really make me feel special anymore. Boom, and now I'm confused! Dissapointed and confused at the same time. The problem is that I only keep hoping for more. For something amazing to happen. But don't you? Don't we all?

First day back at school... I suppose these "first days" are always the hardest, but it caught me completly by suprise. Ok, it wasn't that bad,you know, I was - or at least I thought I was - so well prepared to get back into school routine, so I sure as hell didn't expect an english test or Casey calling me "so rude." Maybe she was joking, and she'll forget it by tomorrow... Anyway things just didn't turned out to be the way I wanted them. Like how he was so dropped-dead-gorgeous *sigh* and... how he was totally ignoring me. Alright, I admit we were writing a test (which I pray to turn out to be good), so there wasn't really any chance of us - talking. Still even a quick glance would've been enough. Hm, I probably should stop whining now, let's just hope tomorrow will be better. Oh, and you know what else? It's so hot! And I'm so tired. Right now I can't even be bothered with that maths exam on thursday. Then I have an appointment to the orthodontist (braces!) so...yeah. I guess I won't even care if tomorrow I'd be late for humanities when he's already in, taking a seat at his usual place which is right in front of the door, and I would walk in... and he would make a comment on me being tardy. Maybe,maybe...Maybe? Ha! There was a horse called "Maybe" at that stable where I worked. Ohmygosh I feel so lucky for not having to go there anymore. Pfhu.

u.i: am I the only one who's already in summer-mode? No wonder, since next tuesday would be my last day, and due to my 'teeth needing fixing' - I won't have any double english lessons... Which makes me happy and sad at the same time, because he might just forget me... 'till September, of course!;)

"Yeah, I wait for you to open up, to give yourself to me
But nothing's ever gonna give, I'll never set you free
Yeah I'll never set you free."