I wonder if you ever felt like you wake up on a monday morning and somehow nothing seems right. You don't have the mood for anything and it's like you're walking with a dull,grey bubble around you and... you can't break out of it. I guess that's how I've been feeling for four days now.  It's so irritable! I'm not happy with school at the moment and I couldn't be happy with my grades either and as for my life I really don't see where I'm going. Maybe it all started with the first disappointment on tuesday,when we had science and the person who was supposed to sit next to me didn't. Although a few minutes after the lesson started he got moved - again - and part of me was shaking with excitement and the other was just numb with fear. "What should I say? Ok, be cool,be cool" *exhales* sounds familiar? Anyhow I don't have any reason to complain, he sat there, he talked to me a bit, he was nice, I was boring, I screwed up... Moving on, wednesday was better, apart from the terrible grade i got in geography and the fact that I didn't understand a thing in maths,speaking of maths I don't know what got into me,but as I saw him fishing his book out of the box I thrust against him saying "Get in line,A!" what was suprising that shortly after the session ended and we were in saxon he returned the favour and even turned around with a grin on his face. Cheeky! I don't think I need to mention that was the highlight of that day,because later I had to stay behind after school to work on my science cass and I literally couldn't have been more bored. What else? Oh, today, right - some of it can be defined as a disaster to be honest... Good thing though? He went there to sit next to me right away and even made a little joke by getting stucked with the chair and for a minute I forgot what I was really there for. But what happened after made me want to disappear... This two-faced,short-haired girl (actually now that she stopped wearing make up, looks more like a boy) with an impressing confidence level, was giving out the books and as she gave A his, made a remark on how come now he sits where he does (he got moved,you peasant) I can't remember what A answered,but as soon as she gave me my book, she *in an affably annoying voice* couldn't resist to come up with the strange idea of my name. Yep, that's right. Quite clever, I have to admit, I mean there wasn't really anything else she could pick on in that moment. She *still with an affably squeaky voice* pretended to be confused with the fact that I didn't write my full name on the book (jesus') and that I "change it all the time." Really? The kid who used to sit next to you, and who you apparently happen to fancy now has to sit next to me during one lesson and you jump on the first thing you can find just to make me look bad in front of him? Now how juvenile is that? Aren't we supposed to be young adults or something? As much as it hurts to admit, it worked I got embarassed and didn't know how to react, but honestly, I never even had a chance, 'cause A spoke up straight away, explaining with a calm voice that my full name is this and I'm usually called that. Duh. I was speechless with suprise, not just he knew how to pronounce my first name,but didn't roll around on the floor with laughter after he said it. Then he even inquired some more about my very special first name and I think during the conversation I managed to steady my racing pulse. Ok, so much for "being cool." Later on we had to do this experiment with lithium,bromine,water and God knows what else, just to see some liquid to change its colour. Interesting,huh? I was just standing there, A wandering around the class room talking to his friends (I guess I didn't realise how popular he really was) then we sat down again, and just out of boredom started doodling little cubes and horses in my book, which he appreciated with a cute smile then drew a cube himself. Ahw. Meanwhile someone at our table brought up sixth form and college, and other future,educational...stuff, I mentioned that I went to one of the sixth form  openings I also asked him if he did, the answer was no, but he said something about trying to make it to a college opening evening. I think if I heard this on the television my mouth would've dropped open. College? A clever, true brainbox,who without doing any homework or lifting a finger gets B's in chemistry and physics wants to waste his next two years at college instead of sixth form? What? Why? I tried not to sound like I'm in complete awe of his decision and not necessarily in a pleasant way, that is he "going to college?" "Maybe." He said maybe. A simple "maybe" with a sort of speculation in his tone. I won't lie, in that moment I played with thought of me and him going to the same school and then maybe the same university, then buy a nice house, in a city where no one knows us,get married and have 10 kids. Mmm,yeah, scratch that. Oh, and what a coincidence, Casey told me last week that she wishes to attend the exact same college. Is he going there because everyone else he knows is? I don't know and at this point I don't think it's any of my business. What matters is that I finally got to know him a bit better and although I'm not sure I hope I didn't make such a bad impression as I though I did. I also hope that tomorrow everything comes into place and I'll be a better company to the people around me. Something else... I really won't blame him if he won't sit next to me, but if he does *sighs* I just hope I'll have a chance to show a different side of me. The fun side. The side that can say things and make sure you choke with laughter after you hear them. The side of me I wish I could've shown you sooner, and maybe,just maybe, it's not too late. 

Thank you for your patient mind that managed to take all this in. I'm truly grateful that there's still someone out there who listens.x