Just finished watching Sleepy Hollow with my mum, and - as usual - had an argument with her on my so-called eating disorder. Great way to start a Saturday evening. I've been a bit bitter, since yesterday after school I did,well, I ate stuff I shouldn't have and now the guilt's eating me up instead. Honestly, right now I don't wanna think about that,so let's just talk through my last day of the week aka. yesterday. First we had drama and as crazy as it sounds I wasn't so socially awkward as I tend to be most of the time. So that was that. Then D.T textiles where all of a sudden the sew machine became my greatest enemy in life. Translation: I can't sew a thing with it. Not my fault,'course. Lastly - double science... which was rather dissapointing. I ended up being the only person sitting on my table, since Chris hasn't been in the entire week, Lennie moved to the other side of the classroom - guess he's not that drawn to me as I thought, and Hollie - that two faced, little ugly duckling-like girlie hardly sits where she's supposed to.  Not like I mind, I mean, at least she could've pretended that she tolerates me. Maybe she has... Anyway, her best buddy, this 6'feet tall, 20 stoned,huge,huge guy who I truly dislike - not because he's not a pretty sight,but he despises everyone who doesn't try to be as cool as he thinks he is. Plus, turns out he's a jackass too. Okay, basically we were doing this experiment and - since Hollie's still obligated to sit at our current table - he thought he'd team up with her,only wasn't counting on me being in the way, which I still don't see how,anyway he asked me to move and find someone else to work with. Now how rude is that? I get it, he's not a big fan,but seriously, what does it hurt if I just sit there answering the question sheet quietly? Not like the desk wouldn't have been big enough for the three of us! Besides it was damn obvious that I had nowhere to go to...Jerk. Doesn't matter I stayed and finally he stopped picking on me. Not to mention I didn't do any experimenting and at the end just copied all his results, also today I finished all the questions linked to the big bang theory, so if you ask whether it was worth to let him dislike me for being stubborn...hay,yeah'! Hmm... what else? Oh,very well then, you knew I'm gonna bring our 'A' up,didn't you? I don't think I actually realised how beautiful this kid is. Maybe it's the uniform, maybe the fact that he got taller, I don't know but his whole appearance is just...*speechless* The way he walks, that blas� look in his cold blue eyes,and yet that sweet smile. He doesn't smile very often, I guess that's why it seems so ravishing when he does. The only interaction that happened between us that day (or this week...or even this month) is when at the begining of our double lesson I was looking through all the books to find my own and he walked up,then just stood opposite me - waiting for his turn I suppose - anyhow his book popped up before mine so I handed it over to him, and he said 'Thank you.' That's it. He said it nice and clearly though... *sighs* Only if there was a way to start a conversation with him...What am I going on about? There is! Gaah'd there's been several occasions when I could've initiated it...Why didn't I? Why am I so reserved beyond my abilities when it comes to talking to him? I already talked to most of his friends, especially Jake who's just precious! Still what's holding me back from opening up? Obviously he's just as shy as I am. Or simply just not intrested in talking to me. Ever since he smiled at me that Tuesday, and kept constant eye-contact on-and-off throughout the rest of the week I'd like to think that I'm not so indifferent to him. I hope I'm not. That's enough, last year if someone came up with the idea of me talking to anyone in this school I would've though he's lost his mind, and now look: there's John who still takes notice of my existence,then there's that bushy headed weirdo too,and Joey and Casey and her and him...But you know what I mean? I probably don't mean half as much to these people as I think I do, but please, would it kill me to try? What's the worst that can happen? Scaring him away with my idiotism? Been there,done that. Then? Ok, maybe next week I'll put more effort into the communicative project. Mmm... maybe next time when he's already at the box looking for his book, instead of just standing there waiting for my turn I could say something? Something funny... Usually good at this. Please don't let me be wrong!;) Oh, and crossed-fingers for that maths exam too! x

In our eyes, love's alive
We've come untied 'cause we're flashing by

Like satellites
Satellites

If we don't communicate, we'll exist in our own space
We have all the love we need
While we're apart, I cannot breathe